The other day I was trying to make a payment. I was able to resolve the matter, but not without some minor hassle involving the voice mail. This got me thinking about the insane and annoying corporate voice mail systems we all encounter every day–systems designed for efficiency that only make it harder for the caller to get things done.
To begin with, are you just as tired as I am of hearing that “our menu items have changed”? First of all, who cares? Second, so what? Of what possible use can it be to me to know this? Do the menu options really change so often that I need to know? Just tell me my choices!
Next gripe: why is it so hard to just talk to a real person? Sometimes it takes longer to listen to the voice mail menu than it would to get my question answered. But, no, I have to listen to all of the options–because they have recently changed–only to find that none of them are what I want. The one option I do want–to speak to an operator–isn’t even one of the options.
All I can do is choose option 9 to repeat the menu options again and confirm that I don’t want any of them. At that point I have to play voice mail roulette–just pick a number and hope the one I choose is a winner.
While we’re on this topic, when there is an option for operator, why is it always the last one? And what is with these systems where you don’t pick 0, but 4 or 7 to get the operator? In what universe is anything but 0 the key for operator?
What about those times, when I actually hear my option, but I can’t push it until the entire recording is over?, by which time I can’t remember which button I’m supposed to push? In its attempt to be more efficient, the company gives me a system that prevents me from using it when I am ready. Am I the only one that thinks that is insane? If the idea is to make sure I listen to all of the options, I can assure you that’s not happening; all I’m doing is waiting for the recording to finish so I can push my option.
The worst by far, though, are the systems where you are talking to the machine and you can’t even push any buttons at all. Your only choice is to speak into the phone and hope the virtual person on the other end actually understands what you are trying to say. (Note to the makers of this software — you still have a way to go to get it right). I’ve found only two ways to disengage the system so I can speak to a real person: (a) push the 0 key about 50 times in rapid succession or (b) just mumble incoherently every time the voice asks you a questions (humming also works). Eventually, the system gives up and connects you to a real person.
OK, that’s about all I have to say on this subject, except this. Pay attention because my options have recently changed. Push 1 to read again, push 2 to comment….
